Oh that the Lord would heal me!

Today I feel about 90% better. But for the past month I have been very sick. I ended up in the emergency room because I could not deal with the headaches anymore. Day in and day out the headaches were there and nothing was making them feel better for about two whole weeks. Then my Meniere's started and it did not want to go away, today I feel better. I want it to go away. I want to be healed of it! It makes me so sick. I don't want to be sick. It makes me so dizzy. It gives me so much pressure in my head. The tinnitus is so loud in my ear. All of these things together give me anxiety. At the first sign of anxiety I have to relax. If I am not relaxed the Meniere's' symptoms get worse. I called all my doctors, my ENT ear and balanced doctor, my internist and my Obgyn since I think it is hormone related and lucky for me all my doctors agree. My Menieres has always acted up the days leading up to my period, due to the fact that is the time of water retention and so my ear is retaining fluid making all my symptoms awful. This last time my period was two weeks late so I was very sick for those two weeks and even the two weeks after, which is where I am today. I was referred to a Neurologist to help me with my darn headaches and he prescribed a medication that has taken away my headaches, I take it everyday. But the dizziness and pressure are still there. In a couple of weeks I will see my Ob and see what she can do to help me with my hormones. This is all due to perimenopause and all the crazy things that come with it. I am concerned because my mom had breast cancer and so I don't know what they can do to help me with hormones. When my ENT 4 years ago was trying to find a medication to help me he gave me a diuretic that made so sick, I wanted to disappear from this world. But now I may need to try  diuretics again to see which one would work for me. I bought a natural diuretic at the store and I have been taking it but I don't know if it is working. I am still dizzy and have pressure. I am also drinking tons of water to help flush out the salt out of my body, I am being more careful now than ever with my salt intake so that I don't retain water. I am blessed that this time I did not lose my hearing in my ear just like 4 years ago. I have so much anxiety about that. My hearing came back but my ear was permanently damaged hence the tinnitus. If I were to have a Meniere's attack like that again I could lose my hearing in my left ear and probably won't get it back like last time. Every time you have that kind of attack you lose your hearing, and little by little you go completely deaf. I am scared! Another thing that helps me is exercise. No matter how sick I am I have to go work out. It helps with the oxygen flow in my brain which helps my ear, it helps with sweating out the salt, which helps to get rid of the fluid. I feel better after I exercise but it is hard to do it when you are feeling sick. I still do it. I don't let this stop me even though I am so sick. I push myself. I hate being stuck in bed, even when I am sick I still have to keep going. I feel that if I don't keep going I will give up and I can't do that. I hardly ever complain, Brent is usually the only one that knows. No one ever knows that I am that sick, I still do all that is required of me. This past weekend I was so sick but I still went to Stake Conference. On Saturday night my headache was pretty bad right after conference. By the time I got home I could not take it. But again I could not stay home, I don't want people to think I am to sick to do anything even my calling. I guess I need to learn to be more humble or something. But I refused to stay home. Fortunately I felt better on Sunday no headache but still dizzy and head pressure, but not too bad. I wish this would go away. Sometimes or most of the time I find myself thinking "why me?". I feel it isn't fair, but I know I shouldn't think that way. We all have to go through trials, this one is so hard, it is there waiting to manifest itself when you are not waiting for it. One day you are feeling great and the next you feel like crap!!! I hate it so much!!!! It makes me mad!!!!